


Box Of Lies • Junhao • epistolary • complete

by abnegative



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, BL, Epistolary, Fluff, M/M, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 15:56:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14240739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abnegative/pseuds/abnegative
Summary: [complete] "As a few lazy snowflakes fall you turn to me and smile and you look so beautiful. So happy. My heart skips a beat. I have never looked at you this way before.You have no idea as you wander along. You grab my arm as we laugh. You always find my jokes so funny even if they're dumb.This is the day my feelings change. This is the moment in time when the world stopped and I fell in love with you."(Completed) •Epistolary• When Minghao disappears from Jun's life he finds a box of letters left behind. The box of lies.Short Story - written 12/09/2017 - published completeThis is my own original work I reserve all rights to the content. Do not copy.





	1. Prologue: The Box

Prologue: The Box

 

 

He had been gone for six weeks. He had been gone for forever. Minghao never knew how much Jun missed him. He never gave him a chance to tell him, to try to mend their friendship, to beg him to stay.

It had been three days since they argued.

The apartment they once shared felt empty even though she was there. He walked without a destination or purpose. Somehow he ended up at Minghao's new place, the one he shared with Mingyu. Mingyu let him in and gave him a sad smile. "Is he home?" Jun asked. "I need to apologise. I need to make it right with him."

"I'm sorry Jun. He's gone home to China." Mingyu said. Jun began to shake. "Why? Did he at least say why?"

"He left you something." Was all Mingyu said, handing Jun the box of letters.

Jun walked home carrying the box. Written on the lid in Minghao's beautiful handwriting:

"My box of lies. I'm sorry Jun."


	2. Chapter 2

_22 January_

_My dear Jun_

_It's cold. Winter seems colder here. I want to warm up so I go to the coffee shop. You're working. I wait for you to finish your shift._

_Friends like you are hard to come by. We've been as close as brothers for forever. I'm not really close to anyone else. That's why this hurts so much._

_We walk in the cold afternoon sun in our heavy winter coats. I carry a sweet latte and you carry a long black. The cold air makes your cheeks pink._

_As a few lazy snowflakes fall you turn to me and smile and you look so beautiful. So happy. My heart skips a beat. I have never looked at you this way before._

_You have no idea as you wander along. You grab my arm as we laugh. You always find my jokes so funny even if they're dumb._

_This is the day my feelings change. This is the moment in time when the world stopped and I fell in love with you._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

_31 January_

_My dear Jun_

_Classes are starting up again next week. You ask me to go shopping with you. Of course I say yes._

_The mall is crowded with other students getting ready to go back to college. We're just two faces in the crowd. You help me choose a backpack. I help you choose some clothes. As I hand shirts to you in the change room and you strip off one after another in front of me I begin to feel uncomfortable. I try not to stare._

_I stumble over my words and leave you with the shirts._

_You ask me if I'm ok. I say yes. I lie._

_I don't want to feel this way. I want you to be my friend forever. I don't want to want something more._

_I lay awake for a long time. I can hear you snoring in the room next to mine. I know if I tell you, you will deny it. It would make me laugh. You always have to be perfect. And you are. To me._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

_2 February_

_Dear Jun_

_Classes start again. I love when we have our first class together and we can walk across the campus in the early morning sun._

_Snow covers the ground. It's the same colour as your newly coloured hair. You look like a Disney Prince. I feel clumsy next to you. Why do you have to be so perfect?_

_I'm glad you don't notice me staring at you._

_As we stretch our muscles I cant take my eyes from you. When did you get so muscular? We are always together so I know you're not going to the gym._

_As I watch you move across the room all I can think about was what it would feel like to hold you in my arms. I know we've hugged and cuddled before but I want to feel your body with a different intent._

_I feel guilty, filled with shame, burdened by my feelings._

_If you knew what I was thinking it would ruin us._

_That night I want to make you smile so I cook dinner and you say you love it. All I can think is that I love you._

_I fall asleep, you're only on the other side of the wall, so close yet so far away._

_I press my body against the wall. It's the only way I can get closer to you._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

_4 February_

_To my sweet Jun_

_It's Saturday and we go out with our group. Everyone's having fun. Dancing and drinking. Laughing. I drink too much too quickly. I know it is a mistake._

_I see you dance with a girl. She's pretty and you look at her with desire in your eyes._

_I leave early and run all the way home._

_I throw up. I crawl into bed. Later I can hear you. You're not alone. She's with you._

_I don't want to hear. I hide my head under the pillow. My choked back sobs drown out her giggles and I hope with everything I have that she's gone in the morning and I don't have to see her._

_She is._

_The next morning you ask me if I feel ok. I say yes. Another lie. My heart is slowly falling apart._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

_14 February_

_To my beautiful Valentine_

_It's Valentine's Day._

_I want to give you something but I know I can't give you what I really want._

_I want to give you my heart._

_I don't even see you until after dinner. I had walked home by myself, watching the cute couples holding hands, watching the last of the snow melting._

_I want to melt into you._

_You come in from work with red roses and laugh when you told me they were from a secret admirer. You asked me if I got any surprises. I say no._

_When I was in the shower you left one of the roses on my pillow. I did get a surprise. From you. The only one who matters._

_I want to die._

_I cry myself to sleep._

_I just want you to love me back._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_


	3. Chapter 3

 

_1 March_

_To my dearest Jun_

_Spring is finally here. Although I love winter I'm always glad to see the end of it._

_We work together in dance class today. I used to love working with you. I was comfortable with your touch. Now it makes me feel empty._

_I'm so empty._

_You've started to notice. You ask me after dance what's wrong. How can I tell you?_

_How can I tell you I'm in love with my best friend when that best friend is you?_

_How can I ever be myself again?_

_I say I'm fine. It's just another lie._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

 

_3 March_

_Dear Jun, dear sweet beautiful Jun_

_Today was a good day._

_We had class together again. I'm getting better at pushing down my feelings. I swallow them and they sit in my stomach like concrete._

_They feel better there than in my chest._

_It was almost like old times. We had fun. We laughed. We got coffees and walked home. The sun was out. It made you glow. Was it the sun or your soul?_

_Sometimes I wish we never met. And then I wish I never thought that. I feel like it's hurting you even though you don't know. I feel like I'm hurting myself._

_I think if I push through this we can go back to the way we were. The way I was. The way I want to be._

_I just want you to be happy and today you're happy. So I'm happy._

_You cooked dinner. It was fine. The pasta was undercooked and you always forget that I hate mushrooms. I ate it all and told you it was delicious and you rewarded my lie with a smile. I would eat it every meal just to see that smile._

_Although I hate the mushrooms I love your cooking._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

 

_29 March_

 

_To my darling Jun_

_Things are going back to normal. You've stopped asking me what's wrong. I've stopped feeling wrong._

_I'm just in a vacuum of unrequited feelings._

_The space around me feels like its empty when you're not near me. When you are it feels suffocating._

_Is it worse to be empty? Or suffocating?_

_I choose suffocating as I seek out every chance to be near you._

_If you're on the couch so am I._

_If you go for a walk I want to come._

_We shop and we walk and we laugh and when you work I sit in the coffee shop and I pretend to study._

_I'm actually studying you._

_Today was the first time I saw her. She smiled at you in the same way I do. I know because I know how she feels._

_She orders yet another coffee. She doesn't really want it. She just wants an excuse to talk to you. I'm not the only one who lies._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

 

 

_4 April_

_To my prince_

_I wanted us to have a Friday night like we used to. I wanted to watch the Disney movies that I love and you pretend to love even though I know you prefer action._

_Instead I came home and found you getting ready._

_You told me you had a date. You looked so happy. I knew who with._

_Your hair is freshly dyed. Your dark roots are no longer showing._

_My darkness is showing._

_I hide in my room. I don't want to see her or you. I don't want you to bring her home with you._

_You do._

_I can hear you in there with her. I wish I was her._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

 

_5 April_

_Dear Jun_

_I know she's still in there. I run._

_I can't face her in our home. Drinking our coffee, using our shower, wearing your tshirt._

_I don't know where to go so I walk around the park and around the city and before I know it I've walked all day. I'm cold and hungry and tired but it's still better than reality._

_There's a missed call on my phone from you. The message you left asks me if I want pasta._

_I want you._

_I go home. You ask me where I've been. I lie._

_Every lie I tell you is taking a piece of me away._

_We eat the pasta. You tell me her name. I hate it but I smile. You tell me about her. I pretend to care. I do care but not about her._

_You want me to meet her. I say I will. Another lie._

_I'm so sick of the lies I have to tell you._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

_15 April_

_To my sweet Jun_

_Things have changed._

_Remember when we were twelve and you got mad and pushed me off my bike and I cried? You felt bad and promised me you would never hurt me again._

_A lie._

_I know it's not on purpose. But you're hurting me. Or am I hurting myself?_

_You like her. She likes you. You're with her a lot. You're with me hardly ever. You don't call to see if I want pasta for dinner. Morning walks to class with coffee have faded with the cherry blossoms._

_Their branches are bare and so are mine._

_I feel so bare. I'm exhausted. I miss you. I miss us._

_You're always out. When you're home with her I go out._

_You ask me why I don't like her. I say I do. It's a lie. You know it's a lie. The only lie you can see through._

_It's not her it's me._

_I don't know what I would do without Mingyu. He lets me knock on his door at 11pm when you come home with her and forget I'm just on the other side of the wall._

_The hardest part is knowing it's over. She has taken my place at your side._

_I pour my emotions into dance and my teacher is the only one not worried about me. She praises my creativity. I want to scream at her that it's not creativity. It's pain._

_You're out. I eat alone. It's tasteless. I would give anything for your pasta with mushrooms._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

 

 

_18 April_

_Dear Jun_

_She spends the night in your room again._

_I run to Mingyu's again._

_I can't stand it. It's like a mirage in the desert. What I want is right in front of me. The reality I want is someone else's reality._

_My reality is now regular midnight walks across the campus to Mingyu's spare room._

_He wants me to tell you how I feel. He says you're worried about me. He says everyone's worried about me. I swear him to secrecy. He promises. I hope it's not a lie._

_I have to find a new coffee shop. She has stolen my place, sitting at a little table in the corner, watching you work._

_As the weather gets warmer my heart gets colder._

_I'm so bare. So drained. My wounds are open and your smile is salt. I know it's good for me but it still stings._

_I want to take you to the beach. I imagine a long walk in the sand with out shoes off. Sun and then a swim and then a sleep._

_I imagine laying in the sand still warm from the day and looking up at the stars with you next to me._

_You would hate a day like this. But in my alternate reality you love me so you lie and pretend you had the best day ever._

_Instead I go without you. I go alone._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

_25 April_

_Dear Jun_

_Her nights in your room are becoming more common. My nights crying in Mingyu's spare room are becoming more common._

_I've had enough. This has to stop._

_I don't know how to tell you but I'm moving out._

_You come home to find me packing. You're confused. I don't blame you._

_I tell you Mingyu's lonely. I tell you it will give you more space and time with her. Lies. You swallow them whole._

_You say I'm a good friend to Mingyu. It's actually Mingyu who's the good friend. Mingyu would never fall in love with his friend. I'm such a bad friend._

_Mingyu is a good friend. He holds me while I cry for hours. Why didn't you try to stop me? Why didn't you beg me to stay?_

_When we were 14 I would stay at your house on Friday nights. On Saturday mornings we would eat cereal and watch cartoons and I would want to go home and you would beg me to stay. I would always give in. I would stay._

_If you asked me to stay I would stay._

_You don't._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

_1 May_

_To my heart, my love, my Jun.._

_It's getting warmer. I spend more time at the beach. I'm starting to find things to fill my life that aren't you. I tell myself I'm having fun. I tell myself I'm fine._

_The worst lies are the ones I tell myself._

_I'm past hurt. I'm past angry. I'm past empty. Now I'm just broken. I haven't seen you since I moved out so I walk past the coffee shop and I see you in there working. I want to go in but I can't._

_You're behind the counter, laughing, talking, working like nothing happened. Do you miss me? Do you even care?_

_Tears burn as my eyes as I walk away._

_I never thought I would walk away from you._

_When I get home Mingyu is there. He hugs me again. I feel so fucking needy. I'm a mess. He's such a good guy._

_Why couldn't I fall in love with someone more like Mingyu? I hate you._

_No I don't._

_I love you._

_You're telling our friends you love her. You might ask her to move in with you._

_She has taken my place next to you and my place is now here on the fringe of your life._

_How did I fall so fast so quickly?_

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

_19 May_

_To my sweet Jun_

_I've been in bed for three days. I have a cold and it's a wonderful excuse to reject the world._

_I hide under a layer of blankets and self loathing. You've asked her to move in with you._

_I feel like I'm dying. I tell myself it's the cold. I know it's my heart breaking._

_I sleep. I sleep as much as I can. I sleep until I've slept so much that I'm too tired to function._

_In my dreams you smile and I smile. We laugh. You let me play my Disney movies over and over and you cook me pasta and I don't care that it has mushrooms._

_I say you look like a Disney prince and you call me your princess and you embrace me and pull me into a dance. We dance and laugh until we're breathless and you kiss me and I kiss you back._

_Your hands are hungry, searching for all the places on my body that feel good. Your mouth finds all the spots that make my stomach flutter._

_As I stare into your eyes I know that I will give all of myself to you. My heart, my soul, my body._

_I wake up too soon._

_I never want to wake up. I want to exist in my dreams._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

_27 May_

_To my dear sweet love_

_You sent me a text today._

_It said you missed me. You wanted to hang out._

_I couldn't resist. I went to the coffee shop as you requested. She's not there. I can breathe._

_As you push my favourite sweet latté into my hands you smile and I want to tear my heart right out of my chest. That smile. Your smile._

_We walk through the park and we talk and you laugh and it's almost like it used to be._

_But I'm thinking about how it would feel to lay you down in the grass and wind my fingers through your hair and kiss you until you can't breathe. I can't breathe._

_You're probably thinking about her._

_I must seem vacant because you smile again and ask me what I'm thinking about. I lie and say something I'm working on for dance class._

_It's always lies when we're together._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

 

_31 May_

  
_Dear Jun_

_Mingyu comes home and I know he has news._

_It's a party. Your birthday party. She's planning it._

_It's in a bar that's new and cool and probably pretentious. You'll love it. It's just the sort of party you deserve._

_He tells me that she's asked him to invite me to the party because I don't like her. She's scared to talk to me. Good. I'm becoming someone I don't like but I don't even care anymore._

_I say I'm not going. Mingyu thinks this is smart. He nods and says staying away is a good idea. He knows if I go I'll just get hurt. Or hurt someone else. Or both._

_I'm a ticking time bomb and you hold the detonator._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

_10 June_

_To the birthday boy..._

_I knew I never should have went. But it's your birthday. I tell myself I'm not a selfish person but that's a lie as well. I couldn't stay away._

_I turn up and you're happy to see me. So happy that it tears me apart inside._

_She stares at me. She's been told I'm not coming. Well here I am._

_I drink too fast too quick. I shouldn't drink. I narrow my eyes at her. Bitch. A part of me knows this isn't her fault but I tell that part of me to shut up._

_She brings out a cake. I sulk. Everyone sings. I sulk. She kisses you. A part of me dies. Why did I come? I don't eat the cake. I have another drink._

_Every time I see her kiss you another part of me dies. I'm running on empty. You confront me. You ask me why I don't like her. I say I do. You know it's a lie._

_Liar._

_It hurts. It stings. You're mad. I cry. I tell you I hate you. You tell me I'm drunk. I laugh and say I do hate her. You tell me to leave._

_Mingyu tries to help me. I yell. I yell at you, my words flying, stinging like barbs. I tell you i want you out of my life. It's such a lie._

_The only person I truly hate is myself._

_I cry all the way home._

  
_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 

 

 

 

_11 June_

_To my precious Jun_

_I'm too gutless to say goodbye._

_I call home. "I want to come home." I sob. The money appears. I buy the plane ticket. I run._

_I run home. Home to China. Home to somewhere were I'm not reminded of you everywhere I go. Home where I can't see her and you together. Where I don't have to see her in my place._

_Before I run I hug Mingyu and thank him. I take everything but the box._

_The box of lies._

_I hope this answers your questions._

_Always yours_

_Minghao x_

 


	6. Epilogue: Letter to Minghao

 

 

_Epilogue: Letter To Minghao_

 

_Dear Minghao_

_I'm so sorry Minghao._

_I don't know where I went wrong._

_That's a lie. I do know._

_I was scared. Scared of my feelings. I wanted convenience. I wanted it to be easy._

_Why didn't you tell me? Why did you lie? If I had known the truth I could have made it all ok._

_I asked you to help me change. I said I needed you to hold the shirts. A lie. I wanted you to see me. I wanted you to look at me. I crave your attention. I'm an addict looking for a hit. I find it in your hungry eyes._

_You used to sit and watch me work. You would just sit in the corner and pretend to study but I watched you watching me. But you stopped coming. I pretended I didn't notice. Another lie._

_On Valentine's Day I came in with red roses. They were for you. I was a coward. I lied and said they came from a secret admirer. I wanted to give them to you and see you smile. You love cheesy romance. You would have loved it. You would smile and call me a Disney Prince and I would laugh and say that makes you my Princess._

_I left you one on your pillow. You deserved them all and I could only give you one._

_I forget you hate mushrooms until I see you forcing yourself to swallow them. I remember but it's too late. You smile and say it's delicious. I'm unworthy. I don't deserve you. Why are you so good to me?_

_Then I met her. She reminds me of you. I see your smile in hers and it feels easy. I give in._

_I kiss her and I touch her and it's a lie._

_You moved out and I missed you and I wanted you to come back but it feels like it's gone too far and I don't know how to turn it around._

_She's not a bad person but I am and I have fed her so many of my lies. She doesn't deserve this. Neither do you._

_I've told her to leave._

_I want you to come back._

_Remember when we were kids and I pushed you off your bike? I promised I would never hurt you ever again. I was such a liar._

_I've hurt you and I'm sorry and I want you to come home._

_I know it's too late but she's gone from the place that belongs to you. Our home, by my side, in my heart. It's yours. All of it. It always has been._

_I'm done with the lies. You are my truth._

_Please come home. Please come back to me._

_I love you._

_Always yours_

_Jun x_

 


End file.
